Decision or Destiny?

            I used to be terrified of going inactive. I was so scared that while I was serving a mission, a beloved sister asked me what my plans were when I got home, and my mind blanked, and all I could picture was me, not active, and living an immoral life.

            For reasons I won’t explain here I found myself going down a path of inactivity. Due to the path I was on, I bought into the idea that this inactivity was actually “part of my plan”. Because I had seen this happening on my mission, it was clearly a sign from God that I needed to go through this in order to reach my ideal destination: total conversion (think of the Apostle Peter: “when thou art converted….”)

            I’m writing this today because I’ve been feeling helplessly lost in a sea of spiritual despair and a light broke through the clouds and an insight hit me that I felt compelled to share. Here I quote from my journal: “My vision of inactivity came to be because that’s what I spiritually created; my inactivity was not pre-destined by God. Therefore if I want a different future I need to spiritually create one.”

            I have felt the deep sadness that has come from me departing from gospel principles because I gave fear the power to become my future. Now I’ve decided that I can and will change my future so that it is full of faith. To quote President Monson “Your future is as bright as your faith.”